I'm sitting here at my parents house, it's almost 2 a.m and I'm still wondering how the hell I did it. How I
possibly managed to lose my entire day to stupidity. I had so many things planned. I was going to sweep my kitchen, living room, and bedroom. I was going to do all my laundry, strip my bed, wash and change my sheets, mop my kitchen for god's sake. Go to the library and use the internet, go borrow the vacuum and vacuum the three rugs in my house....
But in the end I got nothing done with the exception of the laundry. But the laundry proved to be a double edged sword. It was the reason I locked myself out of my house but it also gave me something to do once I had locked myself out.
My laundry basket is a round, woven, well...basket. The kind you see when your watching a National Geographic episode about native tribes in Africa or Asia and they're carrying them on their heads. When it's full it can become quite a payload. I was carrying this cumbersome basket filled with clothes out my front door and into my garage where my washer is located. I decided to wedge a doorstop to hold the door open before I picked up the basket. As I was walking by I kicked the door stop out from under the door because I have two cats and they aren't allowed in the garage.
As the door was swinging shut I had already taken one step away from the door when I realized I didn't have my keys and the door was locked. I immediately turned around to try to catch the door, but I was holding this large fucking basket of dirty clothes and didn't catch the door in time. I was locked out.
In my pajamas, shoeless, with no wallet, car keys, or cell phone to help me figure out some way to get back in to my house.
Of course I live underneath my landlords and both of their cars happened to be parked in front of the house so I thought I still had a chance. I started my laundry then went up to their door and rang the doorbell. Guess what?
No answer.
Great.
Well at least I have something to do (the laundry) for at least an hour or so, which will hopefully give my
landlords time to come home and let me back in.
It was around 10 am, in the half hour since I officially pulled one of the dumbest moves of my life I had began a load of laundry, knocked on my land lords door to no avail and stolen my neighbors newspaper to entertain myself.
The day was young and at this point I still wasn't all that worried about being locked out. Besides it isn't like my land lords would be gone all day.
First I figured I would sit in the sun since it was the end of the chilly morning and I wanted to warm up. I began by reading just the sports section of the newspaper since thats my favorite section and I didn't really think I would be out here that long.
From deep inside the garage I heard the beep signifying the end of my 54 minute laundry cycle. I swapped the colored clothes into the dryer and put the bleachables into the washer for another 54 minute cycle. In case your paying attention I had already been locked out at this point 54 minutes and counting...
After smashing through the sports section I decided to just lay out on the front porch for awhile in the sun. This didn't last long as I kept thinking about how unproductive this day was going to end up being if I couldn't get in soon.
I'll admit, at this point some irrational thinking did set in. I got up and rang the doorbell again to see if any of my land lords were home...even though I had been sitting outside for about a half an hour and would have seen them come home. No answer...again.
As if time flew by the laundry machine beeped again, so once I again I swapped the bleachables into the dryer and put the clean colored clothes into the laundry basket. 2 hours locked out and counting. I'll skip the exact details but at this point I had probably knocked on the land lords door about 15 times in absolute vain. Still in my pajamas clutching a completely read newspaper I decided to see if I could get onto the roof and then drop into my back yard on the up stairs patio and get in through a window.
This brain child idea involved a ladder, which I promptly found in the garage. I leaned it up against the house in front of the front door. The legs were leaning on the front steps. Keep in mind I have no shoes on and the front steps aren't the most solid thing in the universe. After climbing about two steps and trying to wedge my foot into a crevice in the barred door that blocks he front door the complete ridiculessness of this idea hit me and I decided that the ladder had to go back into the garage and I back to the drawing board.
I went back into the garage and started rifling through boxes of shit that were owned by my land lords. i did stumble upon two boxes of what appeared to be boot legged chinese DVD's. Of course I was hoping there all porno which would have made the time pass by deciding which one I wanted to steal and of course the excitment of once I got in I could watch it. They weren't so I moved onto to the tool box. I found a screw driver.....idea number 2
Obviously I, like MacGyver can jimmie any lock in existence. I began by popping of the cover of the outside of the door knob. It slid back only far enought to see the screws and not enough to get the screw drive in there to attempt to take it off. I did realize that I could get in this way if I really wanted to but it would require that I come to terms with buying a new door knob because I was going to have to ned the shit out of it to get in. I decided against it.
While screwing the knob idea number 3 hit me. Find something to actually put into the key hole to jimmie the lock. I found some thin wire hanging near the washing machine, on a side note by now all of my luandry was done and trying to get back into my house was all I had left. try as I might I couldn;t get anything to click with the thin wire.
It seemed to thin in fact, so I bent it over itself to double it's thickness and hopefully it would grab something in the key hole. After another five minutes or so I realized I was scraping something inside the knob. This scared me a bit because I started thinking "what if I scrape the key hole and then the key won't open the knob.." Poosibly irrational but at this point I was going about 4 hours of being locked out of my house in my pajamas.
Frustration began to sink in and I decided to get into my truck....I have a secret way to do that without a key...and take a nap. I used the broken arm rest as a pillow and laid out in the cool air with the sun coming in one window. I successfully slept in my truck for about two full hours before being woken up by some gardners doing yard work down the block. That was o.k it was entirely possible that my land lords had come home while I was napping...so once again I made my way up the steps with high hopes of getting back in only to have them silently crushed when again no one answered the door...o.k..now what..
Back to the garage, ah the newspaper, one more rifle through to kill some time...I got it, at this point it was only another hour or two unbtil Carli would come home from work....Suduko it is...the newspaper had two different games I could play. I found a pencil in my glove box and away I went into the world of puzzles containing numbers. I completed the first one in about an hour and twenty minutes and began the second one promptly...It began to get cold so I went back into the garage to put my jeans on that I had washed...
...and there I was at 5:30 or so doing a suduko puzzle on my garbage can in the garage when Carli walked in and gave me a funny look...all I could say was "I've been locked out since 10 am." She gave me an amazed look and then said the only thing I would have said if I was in her position "Really!!??"
And so ended one of the most ridicules days of my entire life. I do not recommend ever locking oneself out of
one self's apartment. My solution a spare set of keys in my truck...now it will take two ridiculous coincidences to keep me out of my apartment.
possibly managed to lose my entire day to stupidity. I had so many things planned. I was going to sweep my kitchen, living room, and bedroom. I was going to do all my laundry, strip my bed, wash and change my sheets, mop my kitchen for god's sake. Go to the library and use the internet, go borrow the vacuum and vacuum the three rugs in my house....
But in the end I got nothing done with the exception of the laundry. But the laundry proved to be a double edged sword. It was the reason I locked myself out of my house but it also gave me something to do once I had locked myself out.
My laundry basket is a round, woven, well...basket. The kind you see when your watching a National Geographic episode about native tribes in Africa or Asia and they're carrying them on their heads. When it's full it can become quite a payload. I was carrying this cumbersome basket filled with clothes out my front door and into my garage where my washer is located. I decided to wedge a doorstop to hold the door open before I picked up the basket. As I was walking by I kicked the door stop out from under the door because I have two cats and they aren't allowed in the garage.
As the door was swinging shut I had already taken one step away from the door when I realized I didn't have my keys and the door was locked. I immediately turned around to try to catch the door, but I was holding this large fucking basket of dirty clothes and didn't catch the door in time. I was locked out.
In my pajamas, shoeless, with no wallet, car keys, or cell phone to help me figure out some way to get back in to my house.
Of course I live underneath my landlords and both of their cars happened to be parked in front of the house so I thought I still had a chance. I started my laundry then went up to their door and rang the doorbell. Guess what?
No answer.
Great.
Well at least I have something to do (the laundry) for at least an hour or so, which will hopefully give my
landlords time to come home and let me back in.
It was around 10 am, in the half hour since I officially pulled one of the dumbest moves of my life I had began a load of laundry, knocked on my land lords door to no avail and stolen my neighbors newspaper to entertain myself.
The day was young and at this point I still wasn't all that worried about being locked out. Besides it isn't like my land lords would be gone all day.
First I figured I would sit in the sun since it was the end of the chilly morning and I wanted to warm up. I began by reading just the sports section of the newspaper since thats my favorite section and I didn't really think I would be out here that long.
From deep inside the garage I heard the beep signifying the end of my 54 minute laundry cycle. I swapped the colored clothes into the dryer and put the bleachables into the washer for another 54 minute cycle. In case your paying attention I had already been locked out at this point 54 minutes and counting...
After smashing through the sports section I decided to just lay out on the front porch for awhile in the sun. This didn't last long as I kept thinking about how unproductive this day was going to end up being if I couldn't get in soon.
I'll admit, at this point some irrational thinking did set in. I got up and rang the doorbell again to see if any of my land lords were home...even though I had been sitting outside for about a half an hour and would have seen them come home. No answer...again.
As if time flew by the laundry machine beeped again, so once I again I swapped the bleachables into the dryer and put the clean colored clothes into the laundry basket. 2 hours locked out and counting. I'll skip the exact details but at this point I had probably knocked on the land lords door about 15 times in absolute vain. Still in my pajamas clutching a completely read newspaper I decided to see if I could get onto the roof and then drop into my back yard on the up stairs patio and get in through a window.
This brain child idea involved a ladder, which I promptly found in the garage. I leaned it up against the house in front of the front door. The legs were leaning on the front steps. Keep in mind I have no shoes on and the front steps aren't the most solid thing in the universe. After climbing about two steps and trying to wedge my foot into a crevice in the barred door that blocks he front door the complete ridiculessness of this idea hit me and I decided that the ladder had to go back into the garage and I back to the drawing board.
I went back into the garage and started rifling through boxes of shit that were owned by my land lords. i did stumble upon two boxes of what appeared to be boot legged chinese DVD's. Of course I was hoping there all porno which would have made the time pass by deciding which one I wanted to steal and of course the excitment of once I got in I could watch it. They weren't so I moved onto to the tool box. I found a screw driver.....idea number 2
Obviously I, like MacGyver can jimmie any lock in existence. I began by popping of the cover of the outside of the door knob. It slid back only far enought to see the screws and not enough to get the screw drive in there to attempt to take it off. I did realize that I could get in this way if I really wanted to but it would require that I come to terms with buying a new door knob because I was going to have to ned the shit out of it to get in. I decided against it.
While screwing the knob idea number 3 hit me. Find something to actually put into the key hole to jimmie the lock. I found some thin wire hanging near the washing machine, on a side note by now all of my luandry was done and trying to get back into my house was all I had left. try as I might I couldn;t get anything to click with the thin wire.
It seemed to thin in fact, so I bent it over itself to double it's thickness and hopefully it would grab something in the key hole. After another five minutes or so I realized I was scraping something inside the knob. This scared me a bit because I started thinking "what if I scrape the key hole and then the key won't open the knob.." Poosibly irrational but at this point I was going about 4 hours of being locked out of my house in my pajamas.
Frustration began to sink in and I decided to get into my truck....I have a secret way to do that without a key...and take a nap. I used the broken arm rest as a pillow and laid out in the cool air with the sun coming in one window. I successfully slept in my truck for about two full hours before being woken up by some gardners doing yard work down the block. That was o.k it was entirely possible that my land lords had come home while I was napping...so once again I made my way up the steps with high hopes of getting back in only to have them silently crushed when again no one answered the door...o.k..now what..
Back to the garage, ah the newspaper, one more rifle through to kill some time...I got it, at this point it was only another hour or two unbtil Carli would come home from work....Suduko it is...the newspaper had two different games I could play. I found a pencil in my glove box and away I went into the world of puzzles containing numbers. I completed the first one in about an hour and twenty minutes and began the second one promptly...It began to get cold so I went back into the garage to put my jeans on that I had washed...
...and there I was at 5:30 or so doing a suduko puzzle on my garbage can in the garage when Carli walked in and gave me a funny look...all I could say was "I've been locked out since 10 am." She gave me an amazed look and then said the only thing I would have said if I was in her position "Really!!??"
And so ended one of the most ridicules days of my entire life. I do not recommend ever locking oneself out of
one self's apartment. My solution a spare set of keys in my truck...now it will take two ridiculous coincidences to keep me out of my apartment.
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