Freely Thinking Beings

Dreams...making real life awkward since my brain can remember

I never know no if I'm happy or confused when I remember a dream well enough to post about it.  Frankly it doesn't happen near enough to be considered regular and that adds to the confusion of the entire experience. 

A few days ago I was struck again by the dastardly dream bug who plants weed seeds in your brain and forces you down a path of random, impure thoughts.  This particular incident was unsettling because it involved a girl I work with and an intimate situation just a few days before Carli was to come home from Africa...what a time for a dream about another girl. 

I guess I'll stop dancing around the dream and just jump right into the scenario...off we go to dream world (imagine the page gets all squiggly and fades out).

The dream begins at Marin County 4-H camp, a very familiar place for me.  I attended as a camper for about 5 years and now I attend as an adult chaperone every summer. 

So the setting is in a huge redwood forest located in northern California about 2 hours or so from San Francisco.  The camp is set-up with the boys bunks on the right side and girls bunks on the left with the dining hall and main activity center in between them.  The spot everything is built on slopes up towards the road that you must drive down to reach the camp.    

Here's a picture that shows some of the 4-H camp lay-out and activities.

Garrett Allan and I had worked an event for KOFY the day before and directly afterwards drove from the event to 4-H camp.  When I awoke in the morning at camp he had made his bed next to mine on the bunk.  In the real world the bunks are laid out horizontally and we all sleep vertically on them.  Similar to a keyboard.  With the keyboard being the bunk and the keys being the people sleeping on the bunk.

But in this particular dream sequence the bunks were laid out the same longways from right to left. But now we were all sleeping the same direction as the bunk.  Which is much less efficient than the original way.  So Garrett and I had beds next to each other.  

The entire day at camp went fairly normal from what actually happens at 4-H camp when I'm there.  The only thing out of the ordinary was the fact that Garrett and another girl I work with at KOFY was there (she shall remain nameless for two reasons: one is that on the absolutely improbably rare occasion she ever reads this it would probably make it all awkward and two my girlfriend is now home and the same thing applies to her.) I will call her Jackie.  

I don't remember much from the activity part of the day but I do remember that everything went really normal.  Somewhere towards the end of the day Garrett and I found out that we both had to work the next day for KOFY and had to get back to the station in the morning.  This of course threw our plan off because we weren't planning on going back to San Francisco so soon and now we had to wake up with the sun to get back in time.  

So Garrett and I planned on leaving 4-H camp around 5 am to get back to the TV station in time and of course Jackie wanted to go with us back to San Francisco.  She didn't have to work so it made no sense for her to come back with us.  Ultimately we decided to have her stay at 4-H camp and finish the week of camp as we had all planned to do.  This did not go over so well with Jackie and she let us know.   

The evening of activities at camp went off without a hitch.  I decided to go to bed early since we now had to get up so early.  Garrett decided to stay up through camp fire and the official end of the evening. 

The next thing I remember is being gently woken up by Jackie after camp fire had ended.  Garrett was not in his bed and no where to be found, at least I didn't see him when I woke up and looked around.  Jackie was waking me up so she could get into bed with me.  This is very abnormal for a few different reasons.  The first and most basic is that at 4-H camp regardless of your relationship standing the boys and girls sleep apart from each other.  So no way would Jackie be able to sleep with me.  Secondly she is a co-worker and there has never been anything romantic between the two of us in the five months we have been working together. 

I'll admit that we flirt at work but I think it is more a personality trait that we both have and not some spark or potential spark that we both feel for each other. 

The weirdest part of this entire dream is that being woken up to allow Jackie to get into bed with me seemed completely normal to me in the dream.  As if to suggest that there was something romantic going on.  I said "oh, ok" and let her climb in next to me.  I was wearing just boxers and she was in very skimpy pajamas and as soon as she was in bed we snuggled up really close to each other but nothing sexual took place. 

Next thing I knew Garrett was waking me up to leave for San Francisco.  It was about 5 am and we loaded our horse and wagon with our stuff and took off up the road to go home.  You may have noticed I said horse and wagon.  That's because that was our mode of transportation on this day.  Which also makes no sense what so ever but in the dream it seemed perfectly normal. 

That was pretty much the dream.  It may not seem as bizarre to the reader but imagine the same situation happening in your life with people you know and it will become awkward quickly. 

The only place I can think of that this dream came from was my familiarity with 4-H camp and of course my co-workers.  The relationship with Garrett that I experienced in the dream is completely normal.  We are friends and co-workers and that came through in the dream accurately.  The relationship between me and Jackie was not accurate.  Her and I get along really well but as I mentioned there is nothing romantic about it.  Perhaps subconsciously I wouldn't mind if something happened romantically...interesting thought.  I do find her attractive and I really like working with her, but I've never consciously thought about anything sexual with her.  

I'm not sure where 4-H camp from.  Garrett and Jackie have no idea about 4-H camp so for me to put them there with me is odd.  Especially considering the romantic nature of Jackie and I's relationship.  This dream made me think about her all day the next day and conveniently enough I had to work for KOFY with Garrett, so of course I told him all about the dream which put Jackie on my mind even more.  It's almost as if the fact that I had this dream about her created feelings for her that I didn't have before.

I have worked with Jackie since the dream and I was constantly thinking about the romantic nature of our relationship in the dream.  We were working a movie premiere, which is date like in nature and I made some stupid comments about being on a date which were met with general confusion and odd looks.  Stupid dream making it all awkward in my mind...

Mission District Mayhem

I'm a little back logged on my dream musings, which I find funny because I don't remember them that often. Or maybe I should say they aren't good enough to remember that often.  There was a string of days in a row however where I remembered quite a few.  I think this has something to do with not imbibing tons of alcohol numerous days in a row.  It helps my brain work better by staying dry for the majority of the week.

Anyhow, I digress from the actual dream...

It started in San Francisco's Mission District.  I was with my friend and old roommate Brandon.  There was one other male present with us but his face did not jump out at me as someone that I knew.  I think he was a friend of Brandon's.  Which is entirely possible because he now lives in New Orleans.   We were walking to get Burritos at a Mexican food restaurant which the Mission District is renowned for.   The name was never made known for it doesn't matter. 

The dream flashed to the three of us guys sitting out on the patio of the restaurant with three girls that we had met while ordering.  I was flirting heavily with a really cute African American girl sitting across the table from me.  Brandon and the third guy were just chatting it up with the other two girls.  Since I was flirting with my girl I wasn't paying a whole ton of attention to what they were talking about.

This patio was definitely something out of a dream.  It was located out in the front of the restaurant but the interesting thing was that it was in the middle of the street.  Not just placed in the middle of the lanes.  There was a side walk to divide the lanes and that was where the tables were located.  It was actually a really cool idea, though maybe a little dangerous.

All of a sudden as we're sitting there talking a guy leans out a window from a building across the street and drops a glass bottle.  He doesn't throw it, just drops it. Of course it shatters all over the street.  People start getting pissed because he could have killed someone from that height.  He ducked back into his window and re-appeared a few minutes later with another different shaped bottle.  The first bottle was the shape of a standard beer bottle.  The second was the shape of say a pasta sauce bottle.  When he dropped this one from the window it didn't break, it bounced off the street and landed about six feet away and bounced again slowly coming to a stop not to far away from us. 

At this point the people around us and walking down the sidewalks are irate at this jack ass dropping glass bottles from his window.  Never mind the fact that the second bottle didn't break. 

The next thing we see as we are all looking up is the same guy, now wearing what looks like your basic bike helmet start climbing out the window.  When he gets all the way out he puts his back to the outside and just falls backwards.  Obviously we are all stunned as he lands on the street flat on his back everyone gasps.  We all assume he's dead.  There is utter silence for a few minutes as he lays there motionless on the street.  Suddenly some police officers begin to show up thinking there was just a suicide.  When the guy starts to move and gets up.  He looks around while everyone begins cheering and waves, then walks back into his building. 

As we're all sitting there this doesn't strike us as that crazy.  A few moments later another guy climbs out the window and does the exact same thing.  When he lands on the street everyone is sure he is dead.  There is no way two guys fall out the window and both live, right?  He lays there much longer than the first guy did which adds to the thought of death.  An ambulance comes flying up to where the cops were already standing. 

All of a sudden I remember knowing the second guys name.  Everyone who had stopped and was watching this spectacle, and by now there was probably a hundred people all over the streets, began cheering his name. 

"Get up John! Get up John! Get up John" was all everybody was cheering.

After a few minutes of that he began to move slowly and eventually got up, waved and cruised back into the building. 

By now we were done with our Mexican food so we decided to leave but before we left we were told by someone that these guys were testing some new product that made objects way stronger than they were originally made.  Hence the first bottle breaking and the second bottle bouncing.

The only sense I can make of this dream is the African American girl I was flirting heavily with was a throwback to Carli since she half African American and I miss her.  Either way...weird.

    

Feb. 23rd- One year

Whew, finally a dream I really enjoyed.  Some dreams are much closer to nightmares, some are just odd, and some make you wish you didn't have to wake up.  This one was of the latter and waking up did allow me to enjoy the dream in the realm of reality.  But I wish I had a little more time. 
The reason being the dream involved a good buddy of mine who is unfortunately no longer with us.  He was always a little crazy and it showed through in the dream.
Sharpe and I were driving in a huge RV down the freeway.  He was actually driving and I was in the back sitting at the "kitchen" table in our RV looking out the windshield, I was able to see the road in front of us.  This scared the hell out of me because he was driving a little crazy, like he always did. He was weaving around in the lane and swerving left and right around people who were driving in front and around us. 
I remember having a feeling of disaster as I sat there clenching the table while watching him drive.  There was a small red car in front of us now that he was rapidly approaching.  Though it seemed like there was a ton of room in between the RV and the red car he was driving so fast that we were gaining rather quickly.  As he cruised down the road he turned around and started talking to me.  What he  actually said  I don't remember and I am assuming is not of any real importance  to the outcome of the dream.  Eventually I yelled because he wasn't looking at the road he had his head turned.  Not all the way around but just to the side so that his eyes were facing the passenger side window.
As I yelled we ran into the back of the red car and sent them flying off to the side of the road.  Sharpe and I were o.k after being tossed around so much in the RV.  We jumped out the side door and went to see if they were o.k. 
There were three people riding in the car, two girls and one guy.  These people didn't remind me of anyone I actually may have known.  They were just three random people that happened to be driving on the freeway the same time as us.  Now, obviously they were pissed.  Which was good and bad.  Good because it meant they were all o.k and bad, well for obvious reasons.  We rammed them and they were pissed.  Sharpe began explaining that he hadn't seen them right away and that another car was doing this and then this happened...all bullshit. We slammed into the back of them and they knew it. 
As a way to try to appease them of the horrible act we had just perpetrated on them we invited them into the RV, which hadn't sustained very much damage considering the speed at which we were driving.  They accepted and miraculously we had a karaoke machine inside the RV.  Now, as a side note I am actually a karaoke DJ at Encore Karaoke Lounge in San Francisco. I'm assuming this is where this aspect of the dream sprang from.
I started up the karaoke machine and they began singing and it overall lightened the mood that had otherwise been tragic.  The five of us began drinking beer and singing karaoke inside the RV on the side of the highway and all began to have a good ole time.  At this point I woke up, I guess because the situation had been solved.
Too the point of wishing I had more time in the dream; Since my friend Sharpe is no longer with us, that is the first time I've been able to "hang" out with him since it happened. 

Something intense just hit as I was typing that line.  Today, Feb. 23rd is the day it happened in 2007.  Today marks the one year anniversary of his death. I hadn't realized this until right now and I'm in awe that I had this dream within the last few days and chose today of all days to actually put it down in writing.  Thats kind of erie.  So I decided to crack a beer in honor of my fallen friend David Allen Sharpe.

As far as any symbols go I find it odd we got into a car accident because that was how he passed.  That was really the only thing that stuck out in my mind as far as the overall dream goes but it must mean something.  I guess thats my last memory of him, even though I have so many through all the years.  That one got me good in the end. 
I am in a completely different head space then I was when I began writing this and I'm going to drink my beer without having to write anything about it, so I can savor some memories of the time spent.

Death Dreams Are Never Good

    This dream occurred in my brain a few days ago. I believe it was Friday night after working at the bar. It was bizarre.  Some friends of mine and I had just parked on top of a massive cliff looking down on an open meadow filled completely with grass.  We were pointing down at sections discussing which one we wanted.  All across the meadow were fire pits like you find at camping sites.  As it turned out thats exactly what they were, camping sites.
    We had all just arrived at a huge festival of sorts.   The name of which or point never became clear during the dream.  Originally I was going to get my own campsite but there were so many people at said festival that we decided it would be easier to just combine our forces. 
    Once we had decided on a campsite.  This part was actually weird only because there was no part in the dream where we actually picked a camping spot we just decided to combine everything into one. 
As the next section began in my mind we were all lying there on the grass with our cars parked around us for wind shelter as well as privacy, and there in front of me was a pile of fire wood that had been provided for us by the organizers of the festival.  In fact they had provided wood for all the camping sites because there was a contest to see who could build the "best" fire. I don't know how you do that but it was fine because we never actually got there.  On the ground next to the fire wood was a huge bowl of eggs. They were piled on top of each other and waiting to be cooked.  In a much smaller bowl also on the ground was a bowl of eggs that had been broken open but nothing else.  The shells of the broken eggs were nowhere to be seen.
    Since I was laying next to the bowls of eggs I was inclined to investigate what they were doing.  I picked up some of the intact eggs and of course broke them all over my hands.  I looked at my friend Gerardo and he informed me that he would like me to pour the yoke on a Snickers Bar he had that was also in the bowl of intact eggs so that he could eat them together. 
    After this fiasco was cleared up the festival was to begin.  They started shooting off fireworks to commence the entire event and then began a tribute to people who had been at previous festivals who had passed away since the last year.  It was very sad with memorializing music going and the whole bit.  But I didn't know in the dream was that Lizzy (an ex-girlfriend in real life) had passed away.  This was the way I was informed of her death.  They flashed a huge picture of her on the jumbo screen the tribute was being played on. She was laying on grass very similar to ours and had one hand holding up her head.  She had a huge smile and bright blue eyes. It was a very cute picture and it led to a very traumatic event which led to me immediately waking up.
    I awoke around 6 am and was utterly stunned.  I kept thinking in my mind (in real life) "Lizzy isn't dead is she," "wait she wasn't at any festival."  "Lizzy can't be dead, she lives in San Francisco, and goes to state." 
    In a state of udder bewilderment I clamored to the sink to re-fill my bedside glass of water and return to slumber with no dreams on record for the rest of my sleeping time. 
    This dream struck me as really odd in many ways. First, the breaking of the eggs. It was so trivial during the dream but I think that it must signify something.   Me and Lizzy have been broken up for quite some time and there is no real feelings that are hanging on (that I know of).  A few weeks before Christmas it was her birthday and I wished her happy birthday.  On my b-day she returned the favor.  This led to some slight talk of a possible lunch since we hadn't talked much in many months but because of the holidays involved in December nothing ever came of it.   After Christmas in early January I undertook a fairly massive room cleaning adventure and I found her knitting needles that she loaned me when we were together in an attempt to teach me how to knit. Which would have worked I might add.  I was excited to learn, but then the relationship hit a bump and it became very easy to forget about knitting. I e-mailed her and asked her if she would like them back and I mentioned lunch again.  This is my only real interaction with Lizzy in eight months or longer so I don't know where this dream sprang from.  Plus, the fact that she was dead!
    Perhaps the breaking of the eggs signifies our breaking up for good.  And possibly her having passed in the dream signified our relationship being dead.  Friendship and romantic because we couldn't even (or didn't care to) set up a lousy lunch date.   I don't know but it was all very uncomfortable and  as I mentioned bewildering once I awoke.  Frankly, I didn't like it very much. I would still consider myself friends with her and don't want her to die. Creepy.

Dreams of the past

Of course my dearest Carli has left me and taken the long flight back to Ethiopia via Munich, Frankfurt, and then Cairo.  This journey began in San Francisco and spanned 34 hours, 12 of which were consumed in a lay over in Munich.  During the four plus months she was gone, teaching pre-schoolers the basics in Ethiopia (here is link to her web album of pictures, it is a very grounding, eye opening experience.  Carli's Web Album) I had many dreams about many different things.  Numerous times while I would speak with her on the phone about things going on in each other lives at the time she would tell me about dreams she would have about me.  Many of them were good or cute but some of them were very disheartening considering the distance we had between us.  What troubled me the most about these conversations was the fact that I never had one single dream about her while she was gone.  Don't take this to mean I didn't think about her all the time, because I did.  But I wondered why my brain wouldn't conjure up something dramatic or romantic while she was gone to at least make it easier to pass one night.

Once Carli's plane lost contact with the runway at SFO I drove to Sonoma to hang out and watch football with my dad because Sunday was his birthday, and frankly it took my mind off the departure of my other half.  Two nights ago while sleeping in my parents living room I had three dreams.  Overall I didn't sleep very well, I awoke about every hour or so from 1 am until about 6:30 am when I got up for good. 

Of these three dreams I don't remember one of them.  I vaguely remembered the dream in the morning and as time passed by the small facts I had in my brain drifted away permanently.  However that still left two dreams to be remembered.

During the first dream I was walking across a street. I say a street because in many dreams, and this was case during this one, the street was unnamed.  The street was somewhat familiar as I strolled down it, and yet it still managed to look like any other street in America. 

I was walking across and down the street by myself towards a gas station on the corner.  When I hit the corner my plan  was to turn right.  It was cold and rainy as I headed towards the station when all of a sudden I realized I was wasted.  Drunk as a skunk and meandering towards an unknown destination.  I took off my jacket and beanie and laid them on the ground at the gas station.  I then walked away under the overhang and laid on the ground in a ball.  In a few minutes I began to pass out laying there in the cold without my jacket or beanie. 

Like a bolt of lightening I shot up and realized that I was so close to my destination that I couldn't give up yet.  I jumped up and walked toward the pile of jacket and beanie.  Suddenly a girl named Katherine walked around the corner and looked at me.  I went to high school with this particular girl and was pretty good friends with her throughout. 

I grabbed my stuff and began chatting and walking with her. It was obvious she was headed to the same spot and I candidly slipped my arm around her arm.  I then looked at her as if I wasn't sure if that action was o.k.  But she looked down at both arms and said you can hold my arm.  After receiving validation we walked on to our unknown destination and that was the end of the dream.

This dream struck me as weird mainly because after high school I wasn't particularly close with Katherine. I saw her occasionally when I was in Chico and that was about it.  She is not bad looking at all and admittedly I hooked up with her once or twice in high school, but it was never more than that and certainly never anything serious.  However, I saw her on New Year's Eve a few days ago.  Her and other girls that I was also friends with in high school met up in San Francisco and all hung out together at a party for New Years.  It was actually very cool seeing all of them and catching up with everyone's lives.

The second dream was very strange in it's own way.  The second dream took place outside my parent's house in Sonoma. The odd thing was that there was a dirt baseball field in front of the house.  I was back at the age of 16 years old playing babe ruth baseball on the Royals.  An old friend of mine Dan Whitfield was pitching and I was the catcher. (As a side note this was actually true when it really happened.) We were playing a team that was undefinable. The name of the team never came into the dream.  On the sidelines were all the traditional people, our coach, my parents, etc.

My view was through the face of the catchers mask and for some unknown reason the view was very narrow.  Much smaller then the actual view would be through a regular catchers mask.  The dream started with the ball in my hand and runners on first and third.  I began to walk towards the pitchers mound and the runner on first started to tease me with leading off. I faked like I was going to throw to the base and took a few quick steps towards the runner.  As I was doing this the thought dawned on me that the runner on third had a clear shot at home plate because no one was there to receive a throw.

I turned around and the runner on third was beginning to break for home.  At this sight I chased her back to the bag and when I was sure she was staying put I walked up to my pitcher and had a discussion.  The discussion did not come through completely clear during the dream but I did know that as I walked back to home plate I had called for a curve ball on the next pitch.  As I crouched down behind the plate and awaited the pitch my view seemed even more narrow then it actually was because there was so much I needed to see.  As the pitch came I lost sight of it as it curved away from my glove and I missed it.  It bounced passed me, I turned rapidly away and flipped the mask off and charged for the ball.  I picked it up, as I turned and dove towards the plate the runner passed me without a slide and scored the run.

This was apparently the end of the game.  As I picked up my mask and walked towards my parents house an old friend of my dad's who had been watching the game walked up to me and said "It would have helped if the pitch was anywhere close." I looked at him and said "yeah" and walked into the house. Next thing I knew I was awake staring at the ceiling.

This second dream was odd because the baseball diamond was in front of my parent's house and it had dirt and grass.  Secondly because the friend of my dad's who came up to me and spoke has been dead for 12 years.  It was a slight flashback to a younger time in my life because of the baseball team.  But even at the time when I was playing on that baseball team my dad's friend had already passed away. 

I don't confess to know anything about the meaning of dreams.  Nor anything about possible symbol meanings.  But I do know that both dreams struck a cord in me because of past experiences in my life that they reminded me of and the combining of two different times and situations during my life that were not originally combined.  When I awoke both times I was left with a really odd feeling and nothing was to be done about it. Dreams are dreams I suppose.  And yet niether involved Carli, so I embark on another night of slkeep in hopes a dream this time will involve her.